The Twilight Effect

March 19th, 2009 by xarriannex

What is this whole business about lions falling in love with sheep?

When all that is needed is a cold and curious stare

Eyes that see everything 

The flaring of the nostrils because of scents that seem to intensify at every whiff,

Intensifying the longing to feel with the hands and lips and tongue what can only be seen and smelt

Intensifying the urgency between the legs 

Strange expressions that are a mix of anger and desire that beg and threaten to devour 

The little wrinkle of the forehead

The sweet parting of the mouth

And the unbearable silence

Terrifying and encouraging 

When contemplating the possibilities is already a sin

But then again, there was never a choice

Mama’s Stories of Surigao I “Popo and the Wakwaks”

February 11th, 2009 by xarriannex
If you were to ask my Mama about wakwaks and aswangs, and enkantados, she will, matter of factly, tell you theyre real.

With our currect financial situation it is hard to imagine that Mama and her family were once the richest family in the whole of Surigao.

During nights when the power is out, we would lie on our beds and listen to each other breathe. Then from out of nowhere Mama’s horse voice, tired of pronouncing “a e i o u s” to her Grade 1 students all day, would rise above the jeepneys’ angry broooom!s.

“We are so lucky, we have sturdy walls and relatively new se’en over our heads. This way the wakwak would not get to us easily.
When I was about 6, I lived with Popo near the beach. Popo would burn dry coconut leaves to drive away mosquitoes and other insects every late afternoon. I would take a break from collecting shells and little coral fishes and sit beside the glowing embers until sundown. When the fire and the light starts to fade Popo would usher me inside our kubo. The moment the sea drowns the sunset,wawaks attack. The coconut leaves would form shadows and the call of the wakwak and its beating wings would assault the night.”

Now, we’ve heard of this story several times before but we do not object to Mama’s re-telling of it. We were without electricity for nearly 3 years and no running water for over a year. We needed the entertainment and the goodbumps to cool us.

“I would stay away from the walls and the floors. Popo would take out a yellowed little book and a wooden crucifix and would mumble uncomprehendibly. One night, the calling was unusually loud. I can tell our predators were big by the swish of thier bat like wings in the air. I dare not peep between the loosely bundled nipa which makes up both the roof and the walls. I climbed a table because some of them were under the kubo too. They would hook thier claws in the bamboo framing of the walls and the roof and the kubo would shake furiously. But Popo did not show fear. I never saw him do. Popo’s chanting grew louder and louder until he was shouting on top of his lungs! Suddently, the kubo steadied. And the loud “waaaaaak! waaaaaak! waaaaaak!” became faint and seemingly distant.”

I didnt notice i was squeezing my eyes shut. My Mama has her eyes closed too.

“Remember this, all of you. Do not be decieved by the softening of the wakwak’s call. Instead, open all your senses and ready yourself to run or be bitten. The wakwak whispers when its very very near.”

A faint and seemingly distant call woke me up one really hot night. And lo and behold, huge bat-like wings spread, and eyes… Eyes red and large, staring straight and unmoving, displayed right before me, hooked to the steel railing of our house’s windows by my imagined nails, long and bloodied.

The story never failed to terrorize I and my sisters, but strangely enough we were always glad to hear it and be reminded of it. I would add my little “experiences” during our sessions and so would my little sisters. When one is sharing the rest of the group would listen and nod after each testimonial accepting it to be true.

Today, after especially trying days, I would wake up in the middle of the night, all sweaty. The lights would be off and moolight would spill from the open window and after over 14 years the wakwak would terrorize me again.

im inlove with Dickson

December 17th, 2007 by xarriannex

i am inlove with him
funny and amazing how he came into my life right when i decided to grow up and stop dreaming about knights in shinning armor falling from the sky.
there was a time when i thought i loved, but i realize now that love isnt just looking at a person or constantly feeing hot and slimy between the legs. It is infact living with him, understanding his "now" by way of understanding his "then".

I now know that a relationship is a responsibilty; taking care of each others health, reputation and family… prioritizing his future but not compromising yours.

It is easier said than done, to nurture his positives and to accept his negatives… to bring out the best in him rather than changing him.Its amazing when you realize that you do all these because it is so easy.. as if you were built to do so.

But more amazing still, is when you realize that while you were trying to do these things, it was actually him who was able to accomplish all of them for you.
People ask, how did you do it? How were you able to paint redder cheeks and wider smiles on each others’ faces? How are you able to tell each other your dirtiest darkest secrets and instead feel the most beautiful when looking at yourselves through each others’ eyes? How can you cry over your wounds and debate over principles and laugh and kiss after? How are you sure that it is real?…

.. and all you can answer is a shrug.

A Call to Rise Up!

November 29th, 2007 by xarriannex

you decide. http://www.sundalo.bravehost.com/Index.htm

nationalism vs politics

November 26th, 2007 by xarriannex

Nationalism vs Politics:
Filipinos seem to find it hard to understand each other.
The rallying and marching activists and anarchists regard the newspaper-reading tv-watching masa as ignorant and/or lazy.
While the laboring masa regard the activists as crab-thinking idealists, whose efforts serve only to worsen traffic.
Our educators failed to emphasize that a Democratic country demands responsible people.

Instead of telling our government officials how to do thier job, hows about we do ours.

vote. wisely.
ask for receipts.
help our government officials learn honesty all over again by: 
do not resort to bribary
demand (and get) good and prompt service
come to work on time
follow traffic guidelines
segregate garbage and recycle
be choosy on sources of information and news
listen (to what rallists are shouting. to the civilians in Mindanao. to all parties. to the government. to independent sources. to old and young leaders, and draw intelligent conclusions that would point to an action plan.
prioritize education
teach young children the pride of being a Filipino
stay a Filipino

im inlove

May 5th, 2007 by xarriannex

congratulate me.
ive finally found a guy who doesnt care about big boobs.
instead he loves the way i laugh at all his corny jokes and finds my hands sexy.
but get this: AHT of 60 minutes per pumping session. hahaha! ;)

i wasnt able to seduce him so, after an ample of supply of alcohol in the blood and the head, a straight confession in a convinsingly shaky voice, of ardent admiration and lust, i dicided to kiss him.

now i know how it feels to wake up to somebody’s lips on my forehead,
and how beautifull eyes could be after they open from a long kiss.

he fullfilled my dream of waking up in the morning embraced and warm.

can you tell?

gentlemen lend me your cocks!

September 18th, 2006 by xarriannex

if all the smart funny happy smelling chubby cheeked guys in the world turn out be gay, then id kill for a penis.

if just in case

September 1st, 2006 by xarriannex

if just in case you hadnt noticed.

i love you still.

by the sudden chill of the night.

by the flicker of your malboro.

by the accidental brush of a stranger’s glance

i say to you, "i miss you"

kirig pa ka bag-ong gf. — bitter X

July 22nd, 2006 by xarriannex

i wonder if she gives you blow jobs as often as i use to.

if she does, i hope she chokes.
bite and scrape you raw.

or if she does good, i hope youd close your eyes and see me instead,
thinking, i was so much better.

a tear or two for a lost love

June 20th, 2006 by xarriannex

that scent of his still brings back unwanted memories.

i could have held on even when he motioned for me to let go. i could have pressed him closer to by breasts, match my breathing with his and beg him to pretend he loved me… just like before… for the last time…

but i didnt. and now my memory of that night was him walking away. his contenance a mixture of apology and relief that i knew then there was nothing i could have done to make him stay.

was there really a time when he asked me not to cry and when i did, lovingly licked the muck and tears away… so that he can kiss me? it all seems hazy now. like a scene i might have just daydreamed. Pity i believed in it too long that i didnt notice i lost him long before.

now, ive scarred my heart too deep that i can not love by sheer will. an unexpected tear surprises me as it rolls toward the pillow on lonely nights. but the feeling of falling isnt there anymore. for i cry not for the boy, but for the love, true, lost.